Karma . . .

I reached my hand into the cat carrier and pulled out a very tiny, very dirty kitten. She was covered in fleas, full of ear mites, sick and unhealthy. She was also the most loving little thing I'd ever seen, purring like crazy and kneading her little paws at the air as I gave her medicines and treated her for fleas. I named her Karma.

Two months later, she looks as you see her here (in a gorgeous photo taken by Angie). She's healthy. Her eyes are bright. Her ears are clean. And, she is still the most loving little kitten with the biggest purr you've ever heard.

Karma found her forever home today. It wasn't an easy goodbye for me. I've spent so much time nursing her back to health and so many nights cuddling her just to hear that enormous purr, it was impossible to not fall in love with her.

I am not sure this gets easier with time. No matter how hard I fight against it, when an adoption happens, I cry. I always feel silly about it. It always makes the adopters feel bad. I'm not immediately giving high-fives for happy endings; it takes me a while to recover. That doesn't mean I'm not happy for Karma and her new family, as I know they will love her as much as I do and that she, in turn, will love them.

And that is my wish for Karma: a life full of love for a beautiful little kitten who gives love freely, despite her difficult beginnings. I'll miss you, wee-one, have a beautiful life!

In Anticipation of Goodbye

A lot of work goes into getting an animal ready for adoption; especially if the animal is a baby. For puppies and kittens there is a quarantine period, trips to the vet for tests and vaccines and a surgery day for spays or neuters. If the animal isn't healthy in the beginning, there are other appointments and medical treatments. Then there's the potty training for puppies - the x-pens, the crates, the stacks of newspapers and endless clean-up.

And, of course, there is the really important stuff: socializing the animals, something that can only be done by spending time with them; getting attached to them. We play with them, include them in our routine and, while they are with us, treat them as if they are staying forever.

After six weeks or so, we are suddenly faced with reality: our job is complete and our foster animals are ready to find their permanent homes. Their photo and bio goes up on the website and petfinder.com, the applications begin coming in and we take them to adoption days.

I love doing all the stuff up until that point. It's the goodbyes I dread, even though I truly want for them to find a home. Baby animals are just impossible to not get attached to. Right now, all my babies are suddenly ready for adoption. I have seven kittens of various ages and my beautiful puppy, Relay, just waiting for the right application to come in. This weekend, I will be taking Karma, a kitten, Angel, another kitten and Relay to PetSmart adoptions. I'm sure I will be leaving there without some, or all, of them. If there is a secret to fostering without the heartbreak of saying goodbye to an animal one has grown to love, I am not yet in possession of it.

And then there's the hangers-on, who we worry will never find a home. For me, that is a beautiful torti cat named Ginger. Poor Ginger has a couple knocks against her. She isn't a fan of other cats and she hates going to PetSmart, so shows her displeasure by growling, hissing and being otherwise cranky. I am not sure which one of us gets most stressed by adoption days so for the most part I've stopped the practice, hoping someone falls in love with her photo instead. She is a wonderful cat -- super affectionate, totally beautiful and very easy to please, wanting nothing more than a lap to sit on and someone to give her love. When her adoption day comes, it will truly be a celebration. She has waited a very long time.

A New Beginning

Most often, Heartland's animals come from the pound, are owner-surrendered or from someone who saved an abandoned or injured cat or dog. But last Friday I was allowed to be part of a different kind of rescue.

Heartland was asked to take in several puppy mill dogs. Missouri is well known for its puppy mills, where dogs most of us would treat as family members are treated, instead, as livestock. Perhaps not all mills are what we see on television exposes, but it is hard to imagine anyone being able to handle the sheer number of animals a puppy mill harbors -- or that the animals don't suffer the consequences.

Unfortunately, the dogs Heartland was able to take Friday did suffer the consequences of life in a puppy mill. Six adult dogs went to other Heartland Volunteers who now face the task of restoring their health and teaching them how to be pets. Being witness to these very frightened dogs getting loaded into a Heartland volunteer's car was truly amazing. Despite their fear, they wagged their tails as if they knew their life was changing for the better.

I got the easy job really. I took home two six-week-old puppies, the result of an accidental breeding. Though they arrived here simply terrified of everything, they have quickly learned to become just regular puppies; jumping, barking, wagging their tails and making sure they've shredded all the newspaper in their quarantine pen.

These little guys are affenpinscher/beagle mixes and having them is a new challenge for me. I'll be honest. I'm a "big dog" person. I have never quite understood the appeal of toy breeds. To me, they look like ewoks (thus, I named them Wicket and Warrick -- real ewok names, for those impressed by Star Wars trivia). Warrick will probably be beagle sized and Wicket will likely remain under ten pounds. And, they really are sweet boys who, now that they've discovered what it's like to have a human of their very own, just want to be petted and loved.

Ace Finds His Home

Today, a sixteen-year-old girl fell in love with my Acey-Boy and she and her Dad decided to bring him home! I have had Ace since I began fostering. Adult cats generally take longer to find homes for than dogs or kittens, so I've had Ace a few months. Ace is joining a house full of dogs; the perfect match for him because I've always said he thinks he is a dog. I am thrilled for Acey and a little sad for myself. It is going to take a while to get used to not having him run to the door to greet me and I'm going to miss his purrs and loving head-butts during cuddle time. But, I am SO glad he found a fantastic home -- and also a little relieved to be able to say I've completed my first cat adoption because I've had many come in and none go out until today!

Have a wonderful life, Loverboy. You deserve it!

Fundraiser for Kenya

Foster Life

Fostering is a whole lot more than keeping some critters in one's house. The last few days have been hectic and tiring, yet very satisfying. Saturday at PetSmart was as busy as we get. We had ten dog adoptions, including the last three puppies from the lab/border collie litter! I felt grateful for the distraction; it kept my mind off Tia.

Of course, the new puppy, Relay, is a great distraction too -- although I'm likely to fall just as in love with her. In just a few days, her ears have learned to stand at attention. The right one is all the way up and the left one is just a step or so behind. The hair around her scar is growing in, making it less noticeable. I massage the scar as I hold her and, although there's no medical basis to back up my theory, I swear it makes a difference.

Since she's still in quarantine (new puppies have to be separated from other dogs for ten days), I'm spending a lot of time in the basement where her x-pen and crate are. She's such a sweet girl; so happy to see me when I come in. I open her pen and she jumps straight into my lap. She'll run around and play with her toys, but she must lay against me once she chooses a chew toy to gnaw on. She's just not content unless some part of her is touching me. I can't wait until the quarantine is over and she can join me upstairs.

A fostering friend brought home eight six-week-old puppies Saturday evening. So, Sunday, I went to her house and helped her deworm and flea treat the litter. We packed the group up and took them to another volunteer's house for vaccinations. I've been paying attention during vaccinations, thinking how nice it would be to learn to do it on my own because it would save many vet trips and, thus, give me more time at home with the animals. Sunday I was allowed to vaccinate all eight pups. I was nervous at first; the puppies are so incredibly small and I didn't want to hurt them. Fortunately, they hardly noticed and most slept through the whole ordeal. My next step will be wiggly, protesting kittens -- a whole different experience, I'm sure!

And finally, on Monday I drove quite a distance to pick up my newest foster kitten. Angel is six months old and absolutely gorgeous. I pre-arranged a vet appointment for her FIV/FeLV tests on the way home because I'm out of quarantine space. Thankfully, she tested negative and was able to join the kittens in the big cat room. She's a little stressed by the sudden change, so is staying glued in the cat house on the big climber, but she purrs and kneads when she sees me, therefor I know she'll come down and join the crowd of kitties once she feels safe.

It's already Tuesday (although I haven't been to bed yet!) and today I am hoping to have no reason to leave the house. After the last few days, I'm thinking a day in jammies and lots of time to play with critters is in order. Wish me luck!

Goodbyes and Hellos

Tomorrow, I will wake up knowing Tia is beginning the rest of her life in the best home she could have ever found, with a new big brother she already loves and doting new parents who make their dogs the center of their world. She's allowed on the couch and beds, has a big fenced yard to run in and a beautiful, friendly big brother to play with. I couldn't have found a better placement for her. And, Tia's new parents were very tolerant of my difficulty saying goodbye. I even came home to pictures of my girl waiting in my email. My eyes are red and swollen and the tears are still coming, but I have a job to do; a whole house full of critters to care for and . . .

. . . a new, 12-week-old foster puppy. My fostering friend, Laurie, and I pulled her from a local shelter yesterday. A rescue group had taken the rest of her litter, but left her behind because she was injured. The huge gash on her little head is still healing and the scarring makes one eye look a little funky. She's a little funky altogether, with her ears half-up and half-down, and her little puppy bowed legs, but I think she's a keeper. Besides, once I saw her there was no walking away. After studying her picture and doing breed research on the internet, I'm calling her a shepherd/boxer mix.

She's at that gnawing, chewing stage with those little needly puppy teeth, but she makes up for that by being a total lap dog with the softest puppy fur I've ever felt. Now, to find her the perfect name . . .

If You Have a Moment . . .

Please stop by Krazy Cat Lady's blog and read Kenya's story.

"They were debating if they had the foster resources to take care of her or if they should put her down. It's an honest question, a painful costly surgery on a stray with no history is a risk. They asked if I wanted to see her (of course I did) and immediately I knew what my answer was . . ."

Heartland's answer to Kenya was "yes," and she's beginning a new life, albeit on one less leg. That doesn't make her any less beautiful though! She's a very lucky girl too, with a doting foster mommy who visits her in the hospital and will soon be bringing her home!

Stopping on the Way to Forever . . .

Fostering isn't all roses and rainbows. There are some days it just sucks. Don't misunderstand, I love what I am doing. It makes me proud. It fills me with purpose. But, there are some aspects of fostering I find torturous. In those torturous moments, I always wonder if I really have what it takes to do adoptions over and over again.

I love all the critters who pass through my house, but some I just bond with more than others. Tia and I are connected. We've been a team since the day she arrived. German Shepherds are my favorite breed and Tia is one special shepherd. I quite suspect that, if Tia wasn't so fond of my cats (not in a good way), she wouldn't be going anywhere. But she is; so she must.

I have found what appears to be the perfect placement for Tia. On Friday, she and I will go visit what will likely be her new home so that she can be properly introduced to the resident dog, who was adopted from Heartland seven years ago. Tia's paperwork is in order and I've gathered up all her favorite toys and treats to bring along -- just in case.

I should be thrilled I so easily found the perfect people for her, but I'm not. I am miserable. I look at Tia today and just cry, but not for me -- for her. She doesn't yet know. She doesn't know she isn't staying with me forever. She's given me her all since she's been here, with no idea I am just a stop along the way to forever.

Here's the intolerable part; the part I hate thinking about: If she is adopted Friday, what will she think when I walk out the door without her? How can I do that to a dog who has been so mistreated in the past by others?

I know there is a logical answer to those questions. I know she will bond just as deeply to her new people as she has to me. I know if she isn't adopted, there are hundreds of animals who will be unable to pass through my house on their way to forever. I know her space in my house will be filled with a new foster dog, who needs me just as much, within 24 hours of Tia's adoption. And I know that, in the grand scheme of the Universe, my job is not to keep Tia, but to do just exactly what I am doing.

But during moments like these, logic doesn't go too far. During moments like these, fostering just sucks.

I think I'll go hug a shepherd.