Fostering isn't all roses and rainbows. There are some days it just sucks. Don't misunderstand, I love what I am doing. It makes me proud. It fills me with purpose. But, there are some aspects of fostering I find torturous. In those torturous moments, I always wonder if I really have what it takes to do adoptions over and over again.I love all the critters who pass through my house, but some I just bond with more than others. Tia and I are connected. We've been a team since the day she arrived. German Shepherds are my favorite breed and Tia is one special shepherd. I quite suspect that, if Tia wasn't so fond of my cats (not in a good way), she wouldn't be going anywhere. But she is; so she must.
I have found what appears to be the perfect placement for Tia. On Friday, she and I will go visit what will likely be her new home so that she can be properly introduced to the resident dog, who was adopted from Heartland seven years ago. Tia's paperwork is in order and I've gathered up all her favorite toys and treats to bring along -- just in case.I should be thrilled I so easily found the perfect people for her, but I'm not. I am miserable. I look at Tia today and just cry, but not for me -- for her. She doesn't yet know. She doesn't know she isn't staying with me forever. She's given me her all since she's been here, with no idea I am just a stop along the way to forever.
Here's the intolerable part; the part I hate thinking about: If she is adopted Friday, what will she think when I walk out the door without her? How can I do that to a dog who has been so mistreated in the past by others?
I know there is a logical answer to those questions. I know she will bond just as deeply to her new people as she has to me. I know if she isn't adopted, there are hundreds of animals who will be unable to pass through my house on their way to forever. I know her space in my house will be filled with a new foster dog, who needs me just as much, within 24 hours of Tia's adoption. And I know that, in the grand scheme of the Universe, my job is not to keep Tia, but to do just exactly what I am doing.But during moments like these, logic doesn't go too far. During moments like these, fostering just sucks.
I think I'll go hug a shepherd.
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4 comments:
Wow, that pretty much says it all and describes how tough fostering can be sometimes. People don't realize how attached we get to these animals and how big of a part of our lives they become. I wish you and Tia the best! I'm sure she will go to a wonderful home and that her owners will love her dearly, but it's never easy saying goodbye..
There isn't a single one of us who hasn't cried over sending a foster home. It's so hard to let them go and trust the universe that let them down to take care of them this time. She'll be immersed in the new home and showered with love and bond quickly. There might be that moment of "where's mommy?" but it'll quickly be replaced by "new mommy has treats!"
I was so afraid when I placed my first bottle baby and so happy that Cheri adopted him. I knew I had done my job right when he won't even acknowledge that he ever knew me, he is so happy with his new family and I didn't matter anymore. A bitter pill after giving up sleep for several weeks for the ungrateful brat, but that's a cat for you! We put so much of ourselves in without expecting much back out. Enjoy this week with her and get excited about bonding with the next one!
I was already in tears after reading Angie's blog regarding Kenya. Now I am feeling sad about Tia possibly parting from her wonderful foster mama. This is why I simply cannot do what all of you do. I make a point of always telling the Heartland fosters what an exemplary job is being done within your organization. Because of you these beautiful creatures are able to learn to love and trust people again.
When we adopted our little dog "Irish" from a foster home, it took about two weeks for him to acclimate—mostly it was a trust issue, I think, because he had been abused.
Now, eight months later, he acts like he's lived here all of his life, even though he's approx. 4 years old. And he lives the life of Riley, whoever he is.
I could never be a foster dad (is there such a thing?) because I'm too emotional about critters, but be assured that your work is truly, truly appreciated.
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